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Therapy for men

Welcome

Hello. Thank you for visiting my website. On this page I will describe to you the type of client with whom I most often work, so you can see right away if I might be a fit for you.

First I'll give a brief, to-the-point description, then I’ll elaborate.

Please feel free to email me if you have any questions.

 

MY TYPICAL CLIENT

I usually work with guys in hi-tech, mostly software engineers and managers, who are struggling with some sort of anxiety &/or depression. Sometimes it relates to particular circumstances, like workplace stress, relationship problems, or big life events. Other times it relates to longer-term inner struggles, such as social anxiety, low self-esteem, or feeling like a fraud.

My typical client leads an engaged daily life. He is intelligent and goal-oriented, and he can manage lots of things at once. But then Life has handed him something his well-developed intellect can’t quite handle. The result is that he feels stalled and filled with self-doubt - something he may be unaccustomed to and deeply uncomfortable with.

His first response is to address the problem; he doesn't usually look at himself - the human being - experiencing the problem. That’s where I come in. I help shift the focus toward a more self-reflective place. Because as he grows to understand himself better, he begins to engage better with the circumstances he's facing.

If this fits you or someone you know, please contact me.

 

MORE ON THAT

The word I’d most use to describe my clients is “intellectual.” They think - often with a lot of horsepower. My guys are smart; it’s part of their natural inclination, as well as their job.

Another word I’d use is “strategic.” They’re regularly plotting how to reach the next goal. It might be how to complete a project at work, or how to get to the next level of a video game, or how to get in shape for the STP. Whatever it is, it involves figuring out how to get from here to there.

Together these traits make for a brainy guy who is always applying his will toward influencing an outcome, and it is a very potent combination to have. The world of hitech is fast-paced and competitive. As an employee, my client is supposed to be insightful, calculating and vocal. And when he’s on his game, he can achieve a lot, which is great (he also may be financially well rewarded too).

However, being so single-mindedly focused on impacting results can also leave him in a state of always being “on.” That part of his mind ends up never quite shutting off. Even during those moments - like family dinners - when he’s not necessarily trying to hit a mark or make something happen, there remains an undercurrent of assessing, strategizing, and calibrating. (This in & of itself can become an irritant and a distraction: disrupted sleep and lack of presence are common complaints I hear about.)

This is, and always has been, the norm for him. It's the way he’s always dealt with life: you watch, you plot, you influence. It forms the strategy he uses for everything. Obstacles that arise in life are analyzed and an action plan is implemented. And it regularly works - until it doesn't. When the problem becomes one of an emotional or relational nature, he can get lost. Once human feelings (like anger, like shame, like helplessness) or matters of the heart (like love and conflict) enter in, he doesn’t do so well. His typical strategy of assess and address doesn't work because he approaches emotions as if they were rational, linear things, to be broken down into pieces and then re-stacked favorably.

When it inevitably doesn't doesn't go that way, he feels neutralized. He's got nothing to fall back on because he doesn't speak the language of emotions, just facts and data.

Here’s an example: if you were to ask one of my guys to tell you about his wife, he’d more than likely describe her history and attributes, giving you her personal C.V. It’s less likely that he would tell you of a moment with her, one that might convey what kind of person she is. He doesn't tell stories like that, because he doesn't know that tongue. He’s concrete, not ineffable. He sees life in minutes, not moments.

I help him with that. I help him learn the language of moments.

If  you want to know more about how I do this,  please contact me. You can also read more about the process on the How I Work page.

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